-Why exactly would the universe make fun of us all? -Maybe it's insecure.
Today, I decided to have some fun at the mall by walking up to random women, and saying in a stern voice, "I know about the affair." Four said they didn't know what I was talking about, five begged me not to tell their husbands, and three women paid me off. New hobby? I think so. MLIA
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Today I read a post about an anti-drug pencil, that reminded me of when I was in fourth grade and they were passing out pencils that said "to cool to do drugs" unfortunatly as the pencil got shorter due to sharpening it the message became, "cool to do drugs" and eventually just "do drugs". MLIA
Yesterday, I was handing out candy to trick or treaters when one child dressed as Indiana Jones came the door. He was carrying a real whip as part of his costume. Naturally, I asked him where he got such a thing. His reply? "My mothers closet." MLIA
Today, I read a story on FML about a girl who accidentally sent an email to her band teacher saying he was handsome. Getting that email made my day. MLIA
Last night while walking through the city, I saw 4 construction workers climb out of a sewer dressed as teenage mutant ninja turtles. We're all safe now. MLIA
Today, I discovered that when I was little, every time I was mad at my parents I would go into the fridge and shake up their beers before dinner. It took them years to figure out why their beers would randomly explode on them. I was an evil genius. MLIA
Today I saw a hot guy that was singing the Pokemon theme song at the top of his lungs during our PE class. I sang along with him, and afterwards, he came up to me and said "I chose you, Pikachu," and handed me a pokeball. I opened it, and read the message inside. Guess who's got a date for prom?
Today, my friend showed me the sentence "Woman without her man is nothing," that an English class had been told to punctuate. Apparently all the guys put "Woman, without her man, is nothing," while the girls put "Woman: without her, man is nothing." I will never underestimate the power of punctuation again. MLIA
A little while ago, I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with my sister, mom, and dad. When the movie characters raised their wands at the end to remember Dumbledore, my dad slowly raised his drinking straw, and was followed by the entire filled IMAX theater. MLIA
Yesterday on Halloween, I dressed up as cotton candy and went to a Halloween party. When I got there, I got hungry so I got some popcorn. The next thing I saw was a guy dressed up as a bag of popcorn eating cotton candy. It was somehow awkward. MLIA.
Today, in class, my teacher was taking attendance when he threw me one of my tops, telling me that I forgot it the night before. The entire class was speechless. Little did they know, the teacher is my half brother and last night was the end of my weekend at Mom's. MLIA.
Yesterday when I went into the bathroom stall, written on the wall beside me was,"If you watch jaws backwards its about a huge shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach." I laughed hysterically in the stall. I hope nobody heard. MLIA
Today, I walked into the living room to find my parents fighting for the remote. One wanted to watch Monday night football, the other wanted to watch Gossip Girl. After rude remarks and unnecessary words were spoken, my mom finally gave up and said she would watch football in her room. I'm a little worried about my dad. MLIA
Today in math class we were learning something I didn't understand so I asked the teacher for help. He jumped a foot in the air and nearly had a heart attack when I started speaking. Turns out a teacher I've had for a year and a half thought I was mute. That explains why he never asks me for answers. MLIA
Today, I found my son up at 1:30 AM, hunched over his laptop. When he saw me, he hurriedly flipped the screen down and tried to look otherwise occupied. What was he doing? Watching Beauty and the Beast. He's 18 years old and I've never been more proud of him. MLIA
Today I was bored to I picked up my Magic 8 ball. After a few rounds of questions, I noticed that a warning label on the ball said "Not intented as a substitute for a human pregnancy test." I could not stop laughing. MLIA
A while ago in my AP Chemistry class, this one annoying kid and my friend were having a weird argument about who was better. The annoying kid said, "Well, at least I have a girlfriend!" to which I responded, "Whatever. Your girlfriend has 67 protons." In response, the entire class, including the teacher, turned their heads to look at the periodic table on the wall. The element with 67 protons is holmium, with the chemical symbol "Ho." My teacher was the first to laugh. MLIA
Today was Halloween and I was passing out candy at my house. The old man (about 85) who lives down the street from me said trick or treat when he came to my door. He wasn't dressed in a costume so I asked him what he was. His reply, "I'm Benjamin Button. I'm 7, but I look a lot older." I gave him extra candy. MLIA
Today, I brought a dog home from the shelter who I had been iffy about adopting. Within the first few hours, I dicovered that when you point at him and say "Pillow fight!" he runs off and comes back with a pillow. I think we'll be very happy together. MLIA.
Yesterday, I was bored and hungry in class. I wrote on my desk "I'm hungry". Today, I found a bag of potato chips taped underneath the desk and a note saying "here you go" in very girly handwriting. I need to find this girl and marry her. MLIA
Today I was working (I'm a cashier) and I saw a couple waiting to be served. I called them to my register by saying "Excuse me, would you like to hop through here?" They literally hopped to my register. I have been saying that sentence for the last two and a half years waiting for this moment. MLIA
Today, while working at my job as the keeper for the lorikeet exhibit at the zoo, I got very bored and began singing to myself. The second I did, 5 birds flew to me and landed across my arms. The little girl who saw this immediately ran to her mom and yelled "You SEE?? Snow White IS real!!!" and pointed at me. Best moment of my life. MLIA
Today, my girlfriend told me she was going to take a bath. 10 minutes after she got in I heard her singing . I quietly opened the door wanting to scare her when I saw her in a tub filled with bubbles, playing with a rubber ducky, singing the rubber ducky song from sesame street. I didn't have the heart to scare her. MLIA
Today was the morning after my schools homecoming. I am the economics professor and everyone in my class was either sleeping or zoning out. So I told a story of a full scale dinosaur attack on America and how Unicorns will kill all of them in their sleep. They didn't notice a thing. MLIA.
Yesterday, I was passing out candy for Halloween. As I opened the door, there were three teenage boys in black leotards with a boom box doing the Single Ladies dance. They knew all the moves, and after they finished they strutted away without asking for candy. I love Halloween. MLIA
Today, my chemistry class was conducting an experiment using fire and different chemicals which produce different flames. Towards the end of the period, my teacher said that if any group could make a purple-sparkle flame, he would award them extra credit. I happened to look down at my chemistry book and the correct chemicals for the extra credit flame were handwritten in. I tried it, and extra credit was awarded to my group. Thank you, half-blood prince. MLIA
Today, my mom texted me asking if I was still at the park. Being in the mood to joke around I said I was at a strip club. She asked if I was working or watching. MLIA
Yesterday, I was handing out candy. A little boy dressed up as Harry Potter came by and as he was walking up the driveway he dropped his wand. I told him he dropped his wand and he looks at me and shouted "ACCIO WAND" and twitched his hand (which had a string attached to the wand and to his finger) and his wand came shooting up to his hand. He got the rest of my halloween candy and 5 dollars. MLIA
Yesterday, a trick-or-treater rang my doorbell dressed as a pig with H1N1 written on his stomach. As I was about to give him candy, another boy dressed as a bottle of Purell tackled him, and proceeded to chase him away. I feel safer already. MLIA
mylifeisaverage.com
читать дальше
Today I read a post about an anti-drug pencil, that reminded me of when I was in fourth grade and they were passing out pencils that said "to cool to do drugs" unfortunatly as the pencil got shorter due to sharpening it the message became, "cool to do drugs" and eventually just "do drugs". MLIA
Yesterday, I was handing out candy to trick or treaters when one child dressed as Indiana Jones came the door. He was carrying a real whip as part of his costume. Naturally, I asked him where he got such a thing. His reply? "My mothers closet." MLIA
Today, I read a story on FML about a girl who accidentally sent an email to her band teacher saying he was handsome. Getting that email made my day. MLIA
Last night while walking through the city, I saw 4 construction workers climb out of a sewer dressed as teenage mutant ninja turtles. We're all safe now. MLIA
Today, I discovered that when I was little, every time I was mad at my parents I would go into the fridge and shake up their beers before dinner. It took them years to figure out why their beers would randomly explode on them. I was an evil genius. MLIA
Today I saw a hot guy that was singing the Pokemon theme song at the top of his lungs during our PE class. I sang along with him, and afterwards, he came up to me and said "I chose you, Pikachu," and handed me a pokeball. I opened it, and read the message inside. Guess who's got a date for prom?
Today, my friend showed me the sentence "Woman without her man is nothing," that an English class had been told to punctuate. Apparently all the guys put "Woman, without her man, is nothing," while the girls put "Woman: without her, man is nothing." I will never underestimate the power of punctuation again. MLIA
A little while ago, I went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince with my sister, mom, and dad. When the movie characters raised their wands at the end to remember Dumbledore, my dad slowly raised his drinking straw, and was followed by the entire filled IMAX theater. MLIA
Yesterday on Halloween, I dressed up as cotton candy and went to a Halloween party. When I got there, I got hungry so I got some popcorn. The next thing I saw was a guy dressed up as a bag of popcorn eating cotton candy. It was somehow awkward. MLIA.
Today, in class, my teacher was taking attendance when he threw me one of my tops, telling me that I forgot it the night before. The entire class was speechless. Little did they know, the teacher is my half brother and last night was the end of my weekend at Mom's. MLIA.
Yesterday when I went into the bathroom stall, written on the wall beside me was,"If you watch jaws backwards its about a huge shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach." I laughed hysterically in the stall. I hope nobody heard. MLIA
Today, I walked into the living room to find my parents fighting for the remote. One wanted to watch Monday night football, the other wanted to watch Gossip Girl. After rude remarks and unnecessary words were spoken, my mom finally gave up and said she would watch football in her room. I'm a little worried about my dad. MLIA
Today in math class we were learning something I didn't understand so I asked the teacher for help. He jumped a foot in the air and nearly had a heart attack when I started speaking. Turns out a teacher I've had for a year and a half thought I was mute. That explains why he never asks me for answers. MLIA
Today, I found my son up at 1:30 AM, hunched over his laptop. When he saw me, he hurriedly flipped the screen down and tried to look otherwise occupied. What was he doing? Watching Beauty and the Beast. He's 18 years old and I've never been more proud of him. MLIA
Today I was bored to I picked up my Magic 8 ball. After a few rounds of questions, I noticed that a warning label on the ball said "Not intented as a substitute for a human pregnancy test." I could not stop laughing. MLIA
A while ago in my AP Chemistry class, this one annoying kid and my friend were having a weird argument about who was better. The annoying kid said, "Well, at least I have a girlfriend!" to which I responded, "Whatever. Your girlfriend has 67 protons." In response, the entire class, including the teacher, turned their heads to look at the periodic table on the wall. The element with 67 protons is holmium, with the chemical symbol "Ho." My teacher was the first to laugh. MLIA
Today was Halloween and I was passing out candy at my house. The old man (about 85) who lives down the street from me said trick or treat when he came to my door. He wasn't dressed in a costume so I asked him what he was. His reply, "I'm Benjamin Button. I'm 7, but I look a lot older." I gave him extra candy. MLIA
Today, I brought a dog home from the shelter who I had been iffy about adopting. Within the first few hours, I dicovered that when you point at him and say "Pillow fight!" he runs off and comes back with a pillow. I think we'll be very happy together. MLIA.
Yesterday, I was bored and hungry in class. I wrote on my desk "I'm hungry". Today, I found a bag of potato chips taped underneath the desk and a note saying "here you go" in very girly handwriting. I need to find this girl and marry her. MLIA
Today I was working (I'm a cashier) and I saw a couple waiting to be served. I called them to my register by saying "Excuse me, would you like to hop through here?" They literally hopped to my register. I have been saying that sentence for the last two and a half years waiting for this moment. MLIA
Today, while working at my job as the keeper for the lorikeet exhibit at the zoo, I got very bored and began singing to myself. The second I did, 5 birds flew to me and landed across my arms. The little girl who saw this immediately ran to her mom and yelled "You SEE?? Snow White IS real!!!" and pointed at me. Best moment of my life. MLIA
Today, my girlfriend told me she was going to take a bath. 10 minutes after she got in I heard her singing . I quietly opened the door wanting to scare her when I saw her in a tub filled with bubbles, playing with a rubber ducky, singing the rubber ducky song from sesame street. I didn't have the heart to scare her. MLIA
Today was the morning after my schools homecoming. I am the economics professor and everyone in my class was either sleeping or zoning out. So I told a story of a full scale dinosaur attack on America and how Unicorns will kill all of them in their sleep. They didn't notice a thing. MLIA.
Yesterday, I was passing out candy for Halloween. As I opened the door, there were three teenage boys in black leotards with a boom box doing the Single Ladies dance. They knew all the moves, and after they finished they strutted away without asking for candy. I love Halloween. MLIA
Today, my chemistry class was conducting an experiment using fire and different chemicals which produce different flames. Towards the end of the period, my teacher said that if any group could make a purple-sparkle flame, he would award them extra credit. I happened to look down at my chemistry book and the correct chemicals for the extra credit flame were handwritten in. I tried it, and extra credit was awarded to my group. Thank you, half-blood prince. MLIA
Today, my mom texted me asking if I was still at the park. Being in the mood to joke around I said I was at a strip club. She asked if I was working or watching. MLIA
Yesterday, I was handing out candy. A little boy dressed up as Harry Potter came by and as he was walking up the driveway he dropped his wand. I told him he dropped his wand and he looks at me and shouted "ACCIO WAND" and twitched his hand (which had a string attached to the wand and to his finger) and his wand came shooting up to his hand. He got the rest of my halloween candy and 5 dollars. MLIA
Yesterday, a trick-or-treater rang my doorbell dressed as a pig with H1N1 written on his stomach. As I was about to give him candy, another boy dressed as a bottle of Purell tackled him, and proceeded to chase him away. I feel safer already. MLIA
mylifeisaverage.com
@темы: Веселое
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15.11.2009 в 15:06о, помню, нам на 3 или 4 курсе препод по англ как раз такой пример пунктуации приводил
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15.11.2009 в 16:03прикольно)) у нас не было такого)
как ты себя чувствуешь?
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15.11.2009 в 16:25да вроде самое страшное позади
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15.11.2009 в 16:33Ну слава богу